Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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