rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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