first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
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