You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
