May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Randomize
