So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
