just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
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I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
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using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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