oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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