super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
