yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
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I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
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My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
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