I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
