He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Randomize
