Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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