Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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