I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
