yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
