wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
pop tarts are not kleenex
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
