Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
