So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
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