I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
