i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
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