How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Randomize
