Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
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