the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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