Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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