Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
So apparently I’m into choking now
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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