i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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