two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
In America we eat man semen.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Randomize
