he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
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