I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
