dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
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