I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Randomize
