it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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