the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
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