i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
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So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
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Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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