I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
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