Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
