i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
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