Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
