So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Randomize
