remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
You may now shotgun with the bride
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
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