it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize