Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
