Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
