I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Randomize
