Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Randomize
