Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Two words: nipple clamps
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