the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
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