My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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