I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
