when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
