Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
