omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
