idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Randomize
