dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
