this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
this will be a night to untag.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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