Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
