actually, I'm a sock model
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
