If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
