This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
