Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
I never noticed this but I have a beauty mark on my labia minora
Please tell me how you discovered this.
I was looking in the mirror snooping around
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Randomize
