Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
well most of my day revolves around power hour
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
