ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize