I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize