Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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