chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
