I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
