didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Randomize